i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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