i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
