she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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