we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
