In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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