He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
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i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
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So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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