Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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