he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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