i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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