ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
