Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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