I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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