I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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