also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
