a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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