I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Randomize
