Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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