You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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