it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
