Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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