Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
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