i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
