just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
