We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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