nut hugger
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
