if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
