bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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