But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
