I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
