i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
