Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
