i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
