You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
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