he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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