cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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