I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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