I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
