I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
