so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
