i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
