Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
