Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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