I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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