I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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