What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
