I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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