I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
