ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
