and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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