nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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