Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
