The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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