i jhust puked up my retainher.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
