last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
