did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
