I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
