so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
