who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
