just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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