I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize