I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
