he puts the penis in happiness.
i think i have herpe
just one?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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