I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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