This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
