1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
