i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
either way he was missing a nipple.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
