420 ftw
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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