i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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