is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
don't judge my taste in strippers
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
