the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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