You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
