It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
