erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
