I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
