Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
