I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
